識男友先睇八字、擇偶要研究骨相？香港人點解越嚟越信玄學揀對象｜ 愛情顧問解說
🌐 English version
Checking Bazi Before Dating? Why Hongkongers Are Turning to Metaphysics to Choose Partners — A Love Advisor Explains
📰 What Happened
TVB's dating show "Goddess Matchmaking Plan 2" has been making waves lately, but the biggest talking point isn't who matched with whom—it's the dating standards the contestants revealed. Juliana Kwok, a 25-year-old former Miss Hong Kong contestant, said she "studies bone structure" when choosing a partner. Another contestant, Chan Yeuk-sze, went even further: "I must check our bazi before dating anyone." The show even ran a full MBTI breakdown of the five contestants, turning the whole thing into a fortune-telling session.
The reactions were split: some found it "properly metaphysical," while others joked, "If you need a bazi check before a date, who would dare ask a girl out in Hong Kong?" But these standards are actually a snapshot of a bigger trend—a whole generation of Hongkongers are "metaphysicalising" how they choose partners, filtering dates through astrology, MBTI, tarot, ziwei, bone reading and bazi before anything real even starts.
👩💼 The Advisor's Take
① Why do more people rely on metaphysics to choose a partner?
Psychologically, this makes a lot of sense. Choosing a partner is one of the highest-variable decisions in life: character, personality, finances, family background, values, how you get along—none of it is easy to measure, and you have to judge it all quickly. When there's too much information and too many variables, the brain hits "decision fatigue," and instinctively looks for a simple formula to filter with. Whether your bazi matches, whether their bone structure is good—these become that seemingly objective formula.
There's also the "illusion of control." Relationships are inherently uncertain—nobody can guarantee happily-ever-after. Metaphysics, on the other hand, offers the comforting feeling that "I can work this out in advance." If you believe a matching bazi is a good start, you feel the relationship's fate is somehow in your hands.
Then there's the "Barnum effect"—descriptions in bazi, astrology and bone reading tend to be vague, like "you seem independent on the outside but secretly long to be understood," which almost everyone can relate to and call "accurate." That feeling of accuracy makes you trust the tool even more.
② Can bone structure and bazi really pick the right partner?
Here we need to separate two things: using metaphysics as a reference, versus using it as a decision.
Bazi compatibility does have a logic within traditional culture—five-element balance and personality tendencies reflect, to some extent, the temperamental differences between two people. Bone reading (face reading) isn't entirely baseless either: a person's long-term facial expressions form lines that hint at their disposition. As a reference for understanding someone, or as a fun conversation opener on a date, these can be genuinely interesting.
The danger starts when metaphysics upgrades from "reference" to "elimination gate." Rejecting someone purely because their bazi doesn't match or their bone structure is "bad" means you might miss the person who's actually right for you, all because of a vague label. There's also a trap called "confirmation bias": once you believe "our bazi don't match," every little flaw in the other person becomes "proof," and you drift further apart—when the real problem was probably just communication, not a date of birth. This is exactly what love advisors see all the time: a relationship problem gets blamed on bazi.
③ What should you actually look for in a partner?
As a love advisor, here's how I'd put it: bazi and bone structure can "match," but getting along is the real test. No amount of metaphysics replaces actually spending time with someone.
What really decides whether a relationship lasts is never your fate charts—it's three things. First, when you're with them, can you be your real self, or do you have to perform all the time? Second, can you actually talk—not about zodiac signs, but about values, money, and how you imagine the future? Third, when conflict hits, how do you handle it—blame each other, or face it together?
Psychology research repeatedly shows that the strongest predictors of relationship satisfaction are how you interact and how you handle conflict—not any form of fortune-telling. Metaphysics can open the door, but whether you make it to the end still comes down to the two of you.
💡 What You Can Learn
There's nothing wrong with metaphysical dating in itself—the key is knowing its limits. If you believe in bazi and bone reading and use them as a conversation opener or for self-understanding, that's perfectly fine. But if you use them as an "elimination gate," judging someone as doomed before you even know them, then metaphysics stops "helping you choose" and starts "helping you avoid"—and what you avoid might not just be the "incompatible" ones, but the person who's actually right for you.
True compatibility isn't calculated on an altar—it's verified, day by day, in how you actually get along. Talk to a LoveWise love advisor about how to use metaphysics as an opener and real connection as the decision-maker, and pick someone you can actually go the distance with 💕
📰 事件背景
TVB 戀愛綜藝《女神配對計劃2》最近話題不斷，最搶眼嘅唔係邊位求愛者成功配對，而係幾位女神自爆嘅擇偶標準。25 歲前港姐郭珮文話，揀對象佢會「研究骨相」；另一位港姐出身、近期憑《正義女神》人氣急升嘅陳若思更加直接，話「識男友一定要先夾八字」。節目組仲順勢幫五位女神做埋 MBTI 大解構，似足開壇睇相。
呢啲說話一出，網民反應兩極：有人覺得「夠玄學」，有人笑言「睇完八字先拍拖，香港人仲有人敢追女仔？」其實幾位女神嘅標準，正正係香港新一代擇偶「玄學化」嘅縮影—由星座、MBTI、塔羅、紫微，到骨相、八字，越嚟越多人喺正式拍拖之前，先用一套「玄學篩網」過濾對象。
👩💼 顧問分析
① 點解越嚟越多人靠玄學揀對象？
心理學上，呢個現象有跡可尋。揀對象係人生其中一個最多變數嘅決定：人品、性格、經濟能力、家庭背景、價值觀、相處模式，每一樣都難以量度，仲要喺短時間內做判斷。當資訊太多、變數太雜，人腦好容易出現「決策疲勞」（decision fatigue），於是本能咁想搵一條「簡單公式」幫自己篩選—八字合唔合、骨相好唔好，就係一條看似客觀嘅公式。
另一個心理機制係「控制錯覺」（illusion of control）。感情本身充滿不確定，冇人保證白頭到老；玄學偏偏俾人一種「我可以預先計到」嘅安全感。當你信「八字夾」係好開始，就會覺得段關係係咪行得通，某程度上喺自己掌握之中。
再加上「巴納姆效應」（Barnum effect）—八字、星座、骨相嘅描述通常好籠統，例如「你外表獨立，其實內心渴望被理解」，幾乎人人對號入座都覺得「好準」。呢種「準」嘅感覺，令人更加相信呢套工具真係有用。
② 骨相八字，真係揀到好對象？
呢度要分清楚：玄學做「參考」同玄學做「決定」，係兩回事。
八字合婚喺傳統文化入面，的確有佢嘅邏輯—五行互補、性格傾向呢類分析，某程度上反映咗兩個人嘅氣質差異。骨相（面相）亦唔係完全無根據：一個人長期嘅表情習慣會形成紋路，反映佢嘅性情傾向。呢啲作為「了解一個人」嘅參考，或者作為約會嘅開場話題，其實幾有趣。
但問題係，當玄學由「參考」升級做「淘汰閘門」，就開始危險。因為八字唔夾、骨相唔好就拒絕了解一個人，你可能會因為一個籠統嘅標籤，錯過真正適合你嘅人。呢度仲有一個心理陷阱叫「確認偏誤」（confirmation bias）：一旦你信咗「我哋八字唔夾」，之後對方任何小毛病，你都會自動解讀成「應驗咗」，然後越走越遠—明明真正問題可能只係溝通方式，唔係出生年月日。呢個正正係愛情顧問成日見到嘅情況：明明係相處出咗問題，卻賴咗去八字。
③ 揀對象，真正應該睇啲咩？
作為愛情顧問，我會咁講：八字骨相可以「夾」，但相處先係真相。研究一輪玄學，都代替唔到親身同一個人相處嘅驗證。
真正決定一段關係走唔走得遠嘅，從來唔係你哋嘅命理，而係三樣嘢：第一，你同佢相處嗰陣，係咪可以做返真實嘅自己，定係要時時刻刻扮嘢；第二，你哋傾唔傾得埋—唔係傾邊個星座，而係價值觀、金錢觀、對未來嘅想像一唔一致；第三，遇到衝突嗰陣，你哋點處理—係互相指責，定係一齊面對。
心理學研究反覆指出，關係滿意度最強嘅預測因素，係相處模式同衝突處理方式，而唔係任何一種命理。玄學可以幫你開個頭，但行唔行到最後，始終要靠你哋兩個。
💡 普通人啟示
玄學擇偶本身冇錯，關鍵係要知道佢嘅局限。如果你信八字、信骨相，用嚟做話題開場、做自我了解，完全冇問題；但如果你用佢嚟做「淘汰閘門」，未了解就判死一個人，咁玄學就由「幫你揀」變成「幫你避開」—避開嘅唔單止係「唔夾嘅人」，仲可能係真正適合你嘅人。
真正嘅「夾」，唔係開壇計出嚟，而係喺一日一日嘅相處入面，慢慢驗證出嚟。搵 LoveWise 嘅愛情顧問傾下，睇下點樣用玄學做開場、用相處做判斷，揀一個真係行得遠嘅人 💕