韓劇《好吧離婚吧》熱播： 點解「7 年之癢」唔係都市傳說？婚姻嘅七年關口｜ 愛情顧問解說

📰 What Happened

The Korean drama 'Shall We Divorce', starring Lee Min-jung and Kim Ji-seok, has just premiered. It follows a couple who, after 7 years of marriage, drift from the sweetness of their wedding days to the edge of divorce. The show has struck a chord with many viewers — because "7 years married" is exactly the point where many real marriages begin to fall apart.

"The 7-year itch" is something Hong Kong people have heard since childhood, but few ever seriously ask: why 7 years? Let me break it down from a love advisor's perspective.

👩‍💼 The Advisor's Take: Why Is It Always "7 Years"?

In my years as a love advisor, most of the marriage crises I see cluster between the 5th and 10th year of marriage — and year 7 sits right at the heart of that window. It's not a coincidence: several "consumables" of a marriage all run out around the same time.

The first is novelty. The passion of the honeymoon phase physiologically lasts about 18 months to 3 years. After that, a marriage runs on affection, responsibility and habit. By year 7, those "reserve fuels" are also close to empty if they haven't been deliberately maintained.

The second is growing together. In the first years, both partners struggle and build together. By year 7, many people have been promoted, changed career, or shifted mindset. If one keeps growing while the other stays put, the distance widens silently.

The third is unresolved old problems. Many marriages survive the early years on "enduring" and "avoiding" — personality clashes, in-law issues, money disagreements, all swept under the rug. By year 7, they've fermented to the point of bursting.

So the "7-year itch" is not some mystical curse — it's simply several structural problems surfacing at the same time.

There Are Actually Several Kinds of 7-Year Crisis

One crucial point: not all "7-year itches" are the same. To save a marriage, you first need to know which kind you're in — the wrong approach only makes it worse.

① The Drained Spark: passion gone, only duty left

Signs: no cheating, no big fights, but life feels stagnant. No more hand-holding, no more deep talks, not even the energy to argue. You live like roommates, not spouses.

Judgement: this is the most "quietly dangerous" kind, because it doesn't hurt — so people only realise when one partner suddenly says "I don't have feelings for you anymore."

Fix: this is actually the most salvageable, because the foundation (trust, affection) is still there — only the fuel has run dry. You need to deliberately create novelty: not necessarily trips or gifts, but breaking the routine — learn something new together, schedule a monthly date, genuinely "re-meet" each other. The key is both partners must be willing; one-sided effort won't work.

② The Growth Gap: one moves forward, one stands still

Signs: one partner gets busier and more "on the rise", the other stays put. Conversations start to run out of common topics; one talks excitedly about work, the other can't relate at all.

Judgement: the core isn't "whose fault", but "your worlds are no longer the same." Often the faster-moving one isn't lacking love — their life just no longer has room for you.

Fix: what you need to catch up with isn't "their achievements" but "their world". The slower one needn't feel inferior — step into the other's circle proactively; the faster one must deliberately pull the other back in. If there's truly no overlap left, ask yourself: are you still "living together", or just "staying together"?

③ The Broken Channel: still in love, but can't talk

Signs: you argue constantly about the same few things; or the opposite — you don't argue at all, because talking is exhausting. There are things you want to say, but you think "forget it, it's pointless anyway."

Judgement: in this kind, the affection is usually still there, but the "communication channel" is blocked. Both are suffering, and both feel misunderstood.

Fix: this kind needs a "third party" most — not necessarily full counselling; a neutral, professional love advisor can help. When both people are already "on fire at the first word", it's nearly impossible to restart the conversation alone. A third party can "translate" for you, turning "you always do this" into "I feel ignored" — only then can you talk.

④ The Wrong Foundation: never compatible, it just took 7 years to surface

Signs: looking back, your values, life goals and visions of family were fundamentally different from the start — marriage just papered over it with love and impulse. By year 7, reality forces you to face the differences.

Judgement: this is the hardest to save, because it's not a "management problem" but a "foundation problem". One wants children, the other definitively doesn't; one must stay in Hong Kong for family, the other must emigrate. These can't be "compromised" — they are directional conflicts.

Fix: if this is your case, instead of forcing it, face it honestly: you can't go on, not because anyone is wrong, but because you "want different things". Parting is sometimes the more responsible choice for both.

💡 What You Can Learn: Don't Wait Until Year 7 to Rescue It

The most valuable thing about this drama isn't "how painful divorce is" — it's the reminder that marriage is not autopilot. Getting married doesn't mean smooth sailing forever after. Marriage needs daily tending.

Three takeaways for anyone in (or about to enter) a marriage:

First, catch the warning signs early. When you notice yourself "not wanting to go home", "not wanting to tell them things", or "feeling more comfortable talking to friends than your partner" — these are warning signs. Don't wait until "I've lost feelings" to act; by then it's usually too late.

Second, don't avoid. Hong Kong people are very good at "avoiding" — pretending everything's fine, drowning in work, staying at the office instead of going home. But problems don't disappear because you refuse to look at them; they only ferment. Facing them early costs the least.

Third, don't be afraid to seek help. Many people feel embarrassed to talk about marriage problems and prefer to tough it out alone. But marriage is like health — seeing a professional early beats waiting until it's unsalvageable. A neutral love advisor can help you see the root of the problem while it's still fixable.

If you feel your marriage is hitting some kind of "crossroads", and you're not sure which situation you're in or whether it can still be saved — don't overthink it alone. Talk to a LoveWise love advisor, and we'll look at it together with you.